It also hurts because they seem to welcome us with open arms and smiles at family events, but refuse to attend our wedding because they feel we're making a mistake. It makes me wonder what kinds of things they say behind our backs. It makes me not want to attend family gatherings, but then we would be turning our backs on the family members who do support us and are attending our wedding. I wish there was a way to just cut off from the ones who are making this stand.
And whats so much more surprising to me than anything else is that since my family has met my fiance I've become so much closer to them. I found that I actually like them and they support me. There had been whisperings of my relationship, but everyone found out last February (I think) the day after my grandfather's funeral when I brought the love of my life to a family gathering. They all welcomed her with truly open arms. They even poked fun at her, which signaled to me that they really accepted her as a part of my life and as a part of our family. My cousins, who I've barely talked to since we were kids, told me that if anyone in the family ever said anything bad about us to come to them and they'd give them a stern talking to. My family members ask after my fiance and they always invite her to things and sometimes even give her gifts. She hates gifts, but its a nice gesture on their part. Two of my aunts got together and bought us a pair of crystal champagne flutes from Tiffany's for xmas.
My family has had one year to come to grips with my sexuality and my relationship and they have been overwhelmingly supportive (although I still haven't seen rsvp cards from my aunts and uncles). My fiance's family has known she is gay for at least 5 years and still they are not supportive, or at least nowhere near as supportive as they pretend to be in person.
Above all, this feels like rejection to me. I don't deal with rejection well. It's not us who is pushing them away for not coming to our wedding. It is them pushing us away by choosing to stand their moral ground and reject us as a healthy, loving couple.
And so when I say I'm stressed out about the wedding, what I mean is that I'm stressed out about the people.
And I know you'll all say that the day is about the two of us and how much we love each other. But it isn't really. We're doing this as a statement. Because if we could do it all legally and no one would care either way we'd probably just go to city hall and then have a big party at a bar (probably Blue Stem) after wards. Yes, the day is about making a commitment, but that commitment has already been made between us. Its about making that commitment in front of other people in hopes that they will support us. And in hopes that they'll stop calling us friends or roommates.
x-posted to my own journal